Sunday, October 28, 2007

... What ... Happened ... ?

That shit hurt me just watching. I haven't seen a raping like that since "American History X." Joe Gibbs' underwear is going to have small blood stains in them from the ripping of the anal walls. Jason Campbell is going to wake up to nightmares of Mike Vrabel fucking his grandmother and forcing her to fumble.

I honestly thought that, with this mega-matchup with the Colts next week, we could slip into New England, blitz Tom Brady, stuff their injured run game and squeek out a 20-17 win. 50 points? Did they punt once with their starters in? Even their freaking backup QB who never played in college scored on us ! Thank God Chris Cooley scored, because a shut-out like that can destroy the pysche of a team quicker than Bill Belichek shat on Al Saunders' face.

Jesus is Joe Gibbs' homeboy, though, and gives us the hopeless Jets at home next week. One AFC East team pisses in our mouth at home, now we get to fart in anothers in our house. Roger Goodell is just.

Friday, October 26, 2007

No One Had A Problem With This ?!?

I understand this guy was a fan favorite in Boston. I understand he was minutes away from playing in Japan before Theo Epstein and the Red Sox organization gave him a chance. I understand he was a big part in ending an 86-year championship drought for the Fenway faithful.
But ... the guy plays for a different team. Not only that, a division rival. And, as a resident of the city of Baltimore, I have to tell you ... This city couldn't care less.
Now lets switch some things around. Lets say another Boston divisional foe, like ... New York, had their former Red Sox player and '04 World Series winner - John Damon - do a promo spot, throw out the first pitch and read the lineup card on national television, as Millar did. Damon would have to be traded. His jersey would be burnt in the streets to warm up a bum's nutsack. And not that any Yankee would leave for Boston, but imagine a Red Sox player doing that in New York? They would have to put the guy in witness protection, and some t-shirt vendor in Boston would come up with some mildly witty pun and slap it on a shirt for $ 20.
This situation isn't getting the attention it deserves. First off, in an interview on ESPN Radio 1300 in Baltimore, I heard that MLB made them ask the Orioles for permission, and granted it. The Mets laughed when they asked for Pedro, but Peter Angelos, the Orioles border-line retarded owner, had no problem with this; and didn't even make the guy wear an Orioles hat or something! Now there's little respect in this city for the management of that team, and most, if not all, fans are waiting for Cal Ripken Jr. to get enough money to buy the team, but the fact that they would let a player do that is unbelievable to me.
And does Millar have any shame? The Red Sox didn't want him anymore. They offered him no contract or even arbitration and the chance of a contract in 2006, and so he became a platoon player for a bad team. And yet, he jumps at the chance to go back and root them on? What a fucking clown. Cowboy the fuck up and outta this city. If you don't think I'm going to throw a DVD of "Fever Pitch" at your double-chinned, hair-dying ass come next spring, you're in for quite the surprise.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Joe Torre is a Fucking Guido

You see this picture? That's all this fucking goomba did for the past six to ten seasons; sat on his ass while his meatballs digested, watching the best lineup in the game coast into the post-season, and then get beaten by better managed teams.

I gaurantee you at times, half the players thought he was just taking a nap. Those pinstripes look like pajamas on him, and it makes sense, since the motherfucking idiot slept more than inspired.

Greatest manager ever? ... Not even close. Not even close to greatest Yankee manager ever. Not even close to greatest manager named "Joe." Not even close to greatest Italian manager. Not even close to greatest manager who used 9/11 and Rudy Guiliani to sell a shitty book I got for Christmas one year ...
He had a losing record as a manger before he took over an amazingly up-and-coming / veteran Yankee team, and he'll have a losing record if he tries to show up the Yankees by signing somewhere else. Hello, TBS. Hello, Peter Gammon's wingman. Hello, yin to Steve Phillips' yang on "Sportscenter." This guy has more money in the bank for doing nothing than anyone, with Donald Trump and Carrot Top right behind him.
As for the Yankees that are going to leave since he did ... Fuck yourself. More than half of your saves, Mo, are because of that payroll. All of your RBI, Hip Hip Jorge, are because of the lineup that was bought around you. And A-Rod ... You're like the captain of the football team who is dating the head cheerleader with the big titties, but cheats on her right before prom with some Fall Out Boy loving art class ho: None of your supposed friends (New York) like you, and the nerds/art scene that is your only other option (Boston) hate you for who you were the past few years ... So you sit alone (in Anaheim) at the dance, hoping no one knows you once you start at Future Realtor Community College (the Hall of Fame.) Nice knowing you, asshole, now get the fuck off my team.
Blow this team up. Shoot Roger Clemens out of a circus cannon into whatever body of water is closest to Houston. Strap Kei Igawa to a nuke and finish the job Harry Truman tried to in Japan. Get Bobby Abreu the hell outta the Bronx.
I want a rotation of Wang, Hughes, Kennedy, Igawa and Humberto Sanchez. I want JB Cox setting up for Joba Chamberlain; who will enter games to the theme from "Star Wars" or possibly "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran (for no reason in particular). Matsui, Damon and Cabrera left to right in the outfield. Mike Lowell or Scott Brosius at 3B, Jeter at SS, Cano at 2B and Giambi - who needs to get a freakin' Bally's Total Fitness gym membership this off-season - at 1B. Sign Adam Dunn to DH and spot-play at 1B.
Let Carl Pavano pitch in Korea. Let Andy Pettite manage a car-dealership in Piscataway. Keep Don Mattingly as bench coach, Ron Guidry as pitching coach and bring in Joe Girardi to manage. Sign Brian Cashman to an extension; a long one.
That is all I demand. See all you other teams in October next season; we're going undefeated, bitches.