It's Like My Dreams Came True ...

First of all, doesn't Jon Scheyer look like a post-fight Ivan Drago?

It happened. Dook lost to a mid-major in the first round. It really is a dream come true for me. I feel like Martin Luther King Jr. post-"I Have A Dream." I feel like George Washington post-sticking it to England. I feel like Ghandi post-fasting. I feel like Jesus Christ post-Ressurection. I feel like Tommy Lee post-leaking the sex video with Pam Anderson. I feel like Rosa Parks post-not getting up from that bus seat.

Watching a humbled Coach K post-game, I almost masturbated. (I was fully erect, don't get me wrong.)

The solemn faces of those Blue Devils as they realized they'd lost to a mid-major ... Priceless. I'm going to frame them individually, but only after going to a store and having them made into a really nice wallpaper I can decorate my bedroom with. A crying Greg Paulus will be the thing I think of when I watch "The Sound of Music" and they sing the song about when the dog bites and when the bee stings ... (You know that you know it ...) The out-stretched arms of DeMarcus Nelson (PS, Mr. and Mrs. Nelson: You didn't like Marcus, you didn't like Dennis, but you thought, hell, together; that's a name?) and Scheyer getting shot over by my new favorite college basketball player, Eric Maynor (replacing Timmy Smith and the coked out dude from the 'Nova team that beat Pat Ewing and that unstoppable Georgetown team.)

My hope? That this is the catalyst to Coach K bolting for the NBA. That out of pure embarrrassment, Josh McRoberts enters the NBA Draft (and goes undrafted like super-stud Shavlik Randolph). I hope that all the McDonald's All-Americans commited to Duke change their mind ... I hope the court is re-named "Guy Who Hasn't Gotten Past The Sweet Sixteen Five of the Past Six Years Court." I hope that Jay Bilas never picks them again in a big game. I pray to VCU that Dick Vitale retires, and gets a water-front townhouse with Krzyzewski, where they have lots of unprotected sex and give each other HIV, and then AIDS and - just to top it off - really gross Herpes ...

It's not all ice cream and cocoa puffs, though. Usually when I was trying to eke out a few extra minutes in bed with the ladies, I thought of Coach K. I thought of Christian Laettner hitting that shot. I thought of JJ Redick's and Jay Williams' and - if I was really desperate - Shelden Williams' faces. But now? I'll probably finish a lot quicker because of this.

By the way, the State Farm commercial with "Coach K vs. Coach Jay" ... Pure gold. Write a book about this one, you rat-looking SOB.