Friday, October 19, 2007

Joe Torre is a Fucking Guido

You see this picture? That's all this fucking goomba did for the past six to ten seasons; sat on his ass while his meatballs digested, watching the best lineup in the game coast into the post-season, and then get beaten by better managed teams.

I gaurantee you at times, half the players thought he was just taking a nap. Those pinstripes look like pajamas on him, and it makes sense, since the motherfucking idiot slept more than inspired.

Greatest manager ever? ... Not even close. Not even close to greatest Yankee manager ever. Not even close to greatest manager named "Joe." Not even close to greatest Italian manager. Not even close to greatest manager who used 9/11 and Rudy Guiliani to sell a shitty book I got for Christmas one year ...
He had a losing record as a manger before he took over an amazingly up-and-coming / veteran Yankee team, and he'll have a losing record if he tries to show up the Yankees by signing somewhere else. Hello, TBS. Hello, Peter Gammon's wingman. Hello, yin to Steve Phillips' yang on "Sportscenter." This guy has more money in the bank for doing nothing than anyone, with Donald Trump and Carrot Top right behind him.
As for the Yankees that are going to leave since he did ... Fuck yourself. More than half of your saves, Mo, are because of that payroll. All of your RBI, Hip Hip Jorge, are because of the lineup that was bought around you. And A-Rod ... You're like the captain of the football team who is dating the head cheerleader with the big titties, but cheats on her right before prom with some Fall Out Boy loving art class ho: None of your supposed friends (New York) like you, and the nerds/art scene that is your only other option (Boston) hate you for who you were the past few years ... So you sit alone (in Anaheim) at the dance, hoping no one knows you once you start at Future Realtor Community College (the Hall of Fame.) Nice knowing you, asshole, now get the fuck off my team.
Blow this team up. Shoot Roger Clemens out of a circus cannon into whatever body of water is closest to Houston. Strap Kei Igawa to a nuke and finish the job Harry Truman tried to in Japan. Get Bobby Abreu the hell outta the Bronx.
I want a rotation of Wang, Hughes, Kennedy, Igawa and Humberto Sanchez. I want JB Cox setting up for Joba Chamberlain; who will enter games to the theme from "Star Wars" or possibly "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran (for no reason in particular). Matsui, Damon and Cabrera left to right in the outfield. Mike Lowell or Scott Brosius at 3B, Jeter at SS, Cano at 2B and Giambi - who needs to get a freakin' Bally's Total Fitness gym membership this off-season - at 1B. Sign Adam Dunn to DH and spot-play at 1B.
DO NOT SIGN TORII HUNTER OR ANDRUW JONES TO THE BIGGEST CONTRACTS ON THE PLANET!
Let Carl Pavano pitch in Korea. Let Andy Pettite manage a car-dealership in Piscataway. Keep Don Mattingly as bench coach, Ron Guidry as pitching coach and bring in Joe Girardi to manage. Sign Brian Cashman to an extension; a long one.
That is all I demand. See all you other teams in October next season; we're going undefeated, bitches.

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