Get Ready for it: President Heath Shuler

Hey guys at StopShuler.com, get ready because by 2020, you may have to stop Shuler from making the trek from Capitol Hill to Pennsylvania Ave. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the facts. The guy just won an election at the age of 34 in a red state as a Democrat. Not only that, and going largely on my preconceived, stereotypical notions of the greater Asheville, NC area, I’m going to gather this victory was more uphill for Heath than beating Spurrier’s Gators in the Swamp or Gene Stallings’ Tide in Tuscaloosa.

What’s to say that he can’t next win, say, current Senator Richard Burr’s seat off of him in 2010? Everybody knows Democrats LOVE boyish looking senators from North Carolina (hello John Edwards), so, do I smell 2012 Vice Presidential nominee? Yes, yes I do, just like I smell North Carolina bbq emanating from the Outer banks or the carcass of John Bunting coming from Chapel Hill. A ticket of oh, Eliot Spitzer/Heath Shuler? After a campaign of constant references to Jack Kemp and full support in the metro Philadelphia, New York, and Dallas areas, Shuler would be prepared to graduate to the oval office after a successful two term run of vice presidential cliché espousing full of sports references (inauguration day example: We’re going to give 110%!!!) to being compared to that other DI football presidential dynamo, Gerald Ford. And then, by 2028, at the age of 56, Shuler’s wife will start running for congress, also perhaps extolling the virtues of “Mountain values,” a concept I in the Northeast consider more foreign than Borat.

I hope you read this Heath; any derivation from this plan and you will be nothing more than some Jim Ryan clone languishing in the House. You already sucked ass in the NFL, do you really want to be a TWO-career failure???