Sunday, November 05, 2006

"We won! We won!! We ... WTF just happened out there???"

In honor of my Washington Redskins dramatic, entertaining, thrilling and dynamic finish Week 9 versus the Dalls Cowboys, here is a list of the greatest single-play finishes to games in my lifetime.
(And keep in mind, I'm counting from conception, not birth ... I had to get Cal-Stanford on here somehow ...)
Marshall 31, Youngstown State 28
- 1992 Division I-AA Championship -
In what is the most bizarre story on this list, Marshall's back-up kicker Willy Merrick
kicked the first and only field goal of his career to end this title game.
The injured starter?
Willy's older brother.
Needless to say, Thanksgiving dinner was a little tense at the Merrick household in 1992 ...

Colorado 27, Michigan 26
- 1994 -
In this match-up between two top ten teams, Kordell "Slash" Stewart threw a hail-mary pass to receiver Michael Westbrook as time expired to keep their championship aspirations alive.
(Just years later, "Slash" made Pittsburgh fans want to "Slash" their throats and wrists, as it seems all he was able to do for the Steelers was throw similar passes - mostly to the other team.)

California 25, Stanford 20
- 1982 -
With a mere :04 seconds to go, Stanford was all smiles, having just kicked a field goal to put them up 20-19 over the rival Golden Bears.
And then ... chaos.
Laterals, pitches, hand-offs, broken tackles, frogs, locusts ...
And then ... A band?!?
The play-by-play is timeless, as is the saxaphone player getting completely doushed at the end of the run.

Southern California 34, Notre Dame 31
- 2005 -
Watching this game live, I felt equal pain for both Trojan fans and Fightin' Irish fans alike. A) for not being the University of Maryland, and B) for the life-shortening stress the game put them through.
I was sweating as Brady "AJ Hawk owns me for banging my
sexy sister" Quinn led his boys down the field for an 87-yard TD drive, and I was soaking through my second t-shirt as Matt "I was a Trojan for four years
but never learned how to use one" Leinart fumbled the ball out of bounds in the end zone as time expired, but then was given a second chance by the officials
to sneak into the end-zone - with major help by Reggie "Shave Your" Bush.
With all the weapons on that team, a basic "QB Sneak" was so unexpected ...
Sort of like ...
Cole "Mommy Said Daddy Loves Her But Isn't 'In Love' With Her" Cameron-Leinart.
(Sorry for the nicknames, I got into my Berman mode.)

Boston College 47, Miami (FL) 45
- 1984 -
Flutie Flakes.
Hail Mary.
Heisman Trophy.
You know the play ... But the stat you may not know?
Doug Flutie had sex with 346 Boston College females that night.

North Carolina State 54, Houston 52
- 1983 NCAA Championship -
Fitting that a dunk does in the team nick-named "Phi Slamma Jamma."
This wasn't the best title game ever, or note-worthy for any other reason than Wolfpack coach Jim Valvano's reaction ... and the last play of the game.
With precious seconds ticking off the clock, NC State heaved up a prayer; a prayer that - thankfully - fell short. While everyone's eyes were on the ball, spinning slowly in the way only a last-second shot can, Lorenzo Charles found his way under the hoop, and slammed home the victory.
Houston took the loss so bad, they decided to never be good at college basketball ever again ...

Valparaiso 70, Mississippi 69
- 1998 NCAA Tournament First Round -
How much money did Bryce Drew cost some gamblers in 1998?
The all-time scoring, assisting and 3-point shooting Crusader,
Drew drained the most miracle of 3's with fractions of a second left to win his daddy a tournament game, and knock off a pretty scary Mississippi team.
Now?
Bryce is his dad's assistant coach at Valpo, and there isn't a player on the team - or an undergraduate female - who hasn't heard the story of when ol' Bryce made it rain.

San Fransisco 28, Dallas 27
- 1982 NFC Championship Game -
"The Catch."
'Nuff said.
Joey Montana to Dwight Clark to beat the unbeatable Cowboys with less
than a minute to play. It doesn't get much better than that.
Unless Montana was Jessica Alba, and Dwight Clark was Lindsay Lohan, and instead of a catch, it was a kiss ...

Tennessee 22, Buffalo 16
- 2000 AFC Wild-Card Game -
The "Music City Miracle" that buried the Bills of Buffalo.
At the post-game press-conference, Titans coach Jeff Fisher would say he made the team go over the play three times a practice, but with different personnel.
Does that make it any less amazing? A width-of-the-field lateral from TE Frank Wychek to WR Kevin Dyson that was shakier than Michael J. Fox ice roller-blading, "Home-Run Throwback" ends the Bills season 75 yards later, and extends the Titans'. That is why they invented the squib kick, and why Wade Phillips should never be considered for a head coaching job again ...

Blue Jays 8, Phillies 6
- 1993 World Series Game 6 -
The only thing uglier than Mitch Williams' mullet and delivery was the hanging cheese he threw to Blue Jays sluggers Joe Carter in this historic World Series game. Talk about a walk-off. Carter walked off the field a hero, while "Wild Thing" walked off and straight to a bar, never to be seen or heard from again.
Check the country music circuit, with that 10-90 Alabama Waterfall he had going under his hat ...

Dodgers 5, A's 4
- 1988 World Series, Game 1 -
Bottom of the ninth.
Full count.
Every hitter's dream/nightmare.
With Hall of Fame closer Dennis Eckersley on the mound, it was shaping up to be a nightmare for Tommy Lasorda and his Dodgers. After a walk to pinch-hitter Mike Davis, Lasorda sends out a crippled Kirk Gibson to pinch-hit for his pitcher. The agony on this guys face before and during the at-bat is almost as powerful as the excitement and joy in it afterwards.
The power that was Eckersley's moustache was - for the first and only time - thwarted.

Yankees 6, Red Sox 5
- 2003 ALCS, Game 7 -
I'll spare the details so I have a blogging partner after he reads this; but the gayest moment of my entire life - not that there's anything wrong with that - was when I became fully aroused at the sight of Aaron Boone's pinch-hit, extra-innings walk-off home-run off of Tim Wakefield and his knuckleball in the bottom of the 11th inning in the Bronx.
(Unfortunately I was at my grandmother's house when it happened ... )

USA 5, China 4
- 1999 World Cup Championship (female) -
I've never watched a more unattractive woman rip off her clothing and been smiling.
With the game tied at 4-4 on penalty kicks, there was one chance left for America.
And as 90,000+ people prayed in the Rose Bowl - and a few million lesbians watched on TV - Brandi Chastain lasered a goal past some Asian chick (sorry, but they really do all look the same ...) to win the World Cup for the greatest country in the history of the universe.
(It also marks the only time I've watched soccer and been somewhat excited.)
- BP

18 comments:

Emmitt>Barry said...

For the record, it was a trombone player that got run over in teh Stanford game, not a saxophone.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

that list really epitomizes everything that is great about sports.

too bad you couldn't add audio to cal/stanford's The Play. the radio call is just soooo great!

THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD!!

great list, guys.

Anonymous said...

Very childish, but still had me laughing out loud. From the name to the article, nice job!

Anonymous said...

Very childish, but had me laughing out loud many times. Great job

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you didn't rank them, because you can't rank finishes like that. Where was Texas=USC from last year though? Great finish.

And whoever posted above me is an idiot. It wasn't childish. It was great. Keep it up, guys!

mikeski said...

I would've subbed Rachel Bilson for Lohan, but that's just quibbling.

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